Friday, September 24, 2010

A Story For The Ages

Today, Mr. Cutting (My Creative Writing teacher) showed us all pictures of found notes. 
One of the 'found notes' was a note someone left to a man parked in a handicapped space who was clearly not handicapped. This was note I chose to write about. I selected the perspective of the assumedly handicapped man who wrote it... in the five minutes allotted to us.

Here it is:

I am handicapped, and that man who just parked in the handicapped space clearly was not, but he parked there anyways! I saw him! He just sauntered out of his car, and walked right in, no disabilities or nuthin’. He doesn’t even one of those fancy blue handicapped signs you hang from the mirror. You know who does have one of those, ME! I do! You know why? BECAUSE I'M HANDICAPPED
I mean look at my legs! Look at em! They’re twigs, for chrissake. I couldn’t walk if I wanted to. I mean, really I can’t walk. 

I better tell my living assistant to find a NON HANDICAPPED SPACE! Spaces reserved for those who DO NOT HAVE HANDICAPS! Much like the man who parked in THE HANDICAPPED SPACE!

“Assistant!” I gurgled “PARK OVAH THAR! IN THAT EMPTEH SPASH!” 
“Excuse me, sir?” My loving assistant Jeeves inquired
OVAH THAR! IN THAT SPACE!” I said, sounding like the bastard child of Bobcat Goldwhait.
"Yes, sir. Gladly sir."
We parked in a NON HANDICAPPED and with the push of a button I activated my Super-Awesome and Technologically-Advanced EXIT RAMP! VHEEEEER it sounded as it winded down as the mind blowing pace of 5mph. It landed on the pavement with a deafening screech and I knew it was time to go! 
“LETS ROLL, JEEVES! I yelled as I went down the ramp and quickly crashed my body into the adjacent car. 
“are you okay, sir” jeeve asked “YESH IM FINE! NOW ROLL ME TO THAT MANS CAR”
what for sir, jeeves asked
so i rolled over to his car and wrote him a note, and feeling pleased with my self knowing I set the universe back in its proper order, I began to wheel myself into walmart to buy some toilet paper and dixie cups for the roaring murderball party I was to have later that night.
The End.

much love 


  1. Lolzzzz wtf.
    Screw people who abuse the handicap zones, for serious.

  2. LETS ROLL JEEVES! hahaha made me rofl irl, cool story

  3. I can't wait for tomorrow's update!

  4. Sounds like a fun writing exercise, thanks for sharing!

  5. i cant wait to see the daily here, i like this blog bro

  6. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts xD

  7. interesting read mate. And the heade is number 1.

  8. you still got it bro :)

  9. He's handicap-able, I believe.

  10. Cool post!
    Followin n supportin :)
    Check my blog!

  11. BTW I hope the party afterwards was crazy xD

  12. I love how the story about a horrible person (not you!) was told in such a hilarious way