A Story For The Ages

Today, Mr. Cutting (My Creative Writing teacher) showed us all pictures of found notes. 
One of the 'found notes' was a note someone left to a man parked in a handicapped space who was clearly not handicapped. This was note I chose to write about. I selected the perspective of the assumedly handicapped man who wrote it... in the five minutes allotted to us.


Here it is:

I am handicapped, and that man who just parked in the handicapped space clearly was not, but he parked there anyways! I saw him! He just sauntered out of his car, and walked right in, no disabilities or nuthin’. He doesn’t even one of those fancy blue handicapped signs you hang from the mirror. You know who does have one of those, ME! I do! You know why? BECAUSE I'M HANDICAPPED

   

I mean look at my legs! Look at em! They’re twigs, for chrissake. I couldn’t walk if I wanted to. I mean, really I can’t walk. 

I better tell my living assistant to find a NON HANDICAPPED SPACE! Spaces reserved for those who DO NOT HAVE HANDICAPS! Much like the man who parked in THE HANDICAPPED SPACE!

“Assistant!” I gurgled “PARK OVAH THAR! IN THAT EMPTEH SPASH!” 

“Excuse me, sir?” My loving assistant Jeeves inquired

OVAH THAR! IN THAT SPACE!” I said, sounding like the bastard child of Bobcat Goldwhait.

"Yes, sir. Gladly sir."

We parked in a NON HANDICAPPED and with the push of a button I activated my Super-Awesome and Technologically-Advanced EXIT RAMP! VHEEEEER it sounded as it winded down as the mind blowing pace of 5mph. It landed on the pavement with a deafening screech and I knew it was time to go! 

“LETS ROLL, JEEVES! I yelled as I went down the ramp and quickly crashed my body into the adjacent car. 

“are you okay, sir” jeeve asked “YESH IM FINE! NOW ROLL ME TO THAT MANS CAR”

what for sir, jeeves asked

SO I CAN WRITE HIM A NOTE!

so i rolled over to his car and wrote him a note, and feeling pleased with my self knowing I set the universe back in its proper order, I began to wheel myself into walmart to buy some toilet paper and dixie cups for the roaring murderball party I was to have later that night.

The End.

much love 

~logan

taking over the interwebs

Die Fukken Antwoord's album drops in nineteen days, cant fukken wait.
Zef so fresh.
Die Antwoord is the best thing to drop out of South Africa since fukken prawns!

so, check it.

http://www.dieantwoord.com/?v=1



much love

~ logandabody

Mono

Have mono
tired all the time.
no time for blogger :C

In other news, Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a fucking incredible movie.

WAT

WAT IS... NO! IM SO CONFUSED

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Wail, O cypress, for the cedar has fallen, for the glorious trees are ruined!

School work-load came down onto my face like a dry shit onto a prostitutes chest.
American Studies has us juggling four things at once, latin teacher is making us remember all the shit we've forgotten (i.e. everything), and in topics there is a very intimidating large packet of a case file we have to deal with. Im handling it pretty well though, SO I DONT EVEN GIVE A FUCK! But if this were my freshman, or my sophomore year, I'd probably be failing everywhere.

Did some scene reading for the upcoming school musical today, for the most part it was fun.
However doing improv with some random ukrainian chick was not fun. This was mostly because she had a flimsy grasp on simple American concepts and language, so half the time she had no idea what we were talking about. The other two people I had to improve the scene with were this two really unfunny people that I hate. So, basically I just went on stage flipped out at one of those kids, improvised a rant, basked in laughter and then sat down.

The play's called Kismet. It was made in the 1930s and is basically Aladdin, but since it's not Aladdin no one really give a shit. I wish we were doing Aladdin.

Also if you've ever seen the horrible (and I mean horrible) masterpiece that is Tommy Wiseau's The Room, then do I have the game for you!

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/547307

Is The Room: The Game. Literally just the movie, in game form. I played through the whole fucking thing.

That's me! Bye-bye... nice doggie!

~ logandabody

Horror by Design.

          Have you ever wanted to feel like you were on drugs whilst simultaneously not doing drugs? If you answered yes, then do I have a video for you. It's a music video by some band whose lead member looks like a manlier Russell Brand. What happens in the video is something I'm still not quite sure of, but basically just seems like a big ol' tripping on acid trip. Anyways, watch away. THIS IS THE LINK

Also, this was a friend of mine's project for our American Studies class.

Needless to say, he was instantly awarded with an A for the year

P.S. 

I have over 200 followers now. You guys are the best. I love you all.

No seriously.

I.   Love.  You.

Apples to Apples.

Got an iPhone 4 the other day, it's so new and shiny, how could a consumer-whore like me resist? Really though, Steve Jobs sure knows how to find his way into my wallet (Except for the iPad, shit is lame).

There's this one kid at school who got the iPad the first day (his name's brandon, but he used to be the schools resident fat kid, so he's still sometimes known as "That Fat Kid"), and it just seemed so lame. Basically like a big iPod touch with less options. So yeah, shit is gay.

But the iPhone, I really love it, I kind of got dragged into getting one by my brother, but I ended up really enjoying it. Already have my ringtone set to the Codec noise, which makes me so happy every time.

Any of you guys got iPhones?
If so, what Apps should I get?

In other news, I signed up for the class Topics in Social Sciences without really knowing what it was, turns out I have to like be part of this huge mock trial and shit. It's supposedly one of the schools more challenging courses, but I'm not one to drop out of classes so.... MOCK TRIAL, HERE I COME!

(Also, a friend of mine who's a freshman at RIT says they have a restaurant called CTRL ALT DELI... I wish there were restaurants like that around here).

Much Love,

~ logandabody

150 followers!

I don't know how to say this but....

I'm kind of a big deal.

I keed, I keed

but seriously thanks everyone.

Much Love.

For All Your Pokémon Desktop Needs.

My background right now is Ditto.

http://pldh.net/gallery/the493

... just watch it

Tongue That Dusty Butthole

So, I've decided that for my funeral I want my casket to be set on fire while Klaus Nomi's rendition of the cold song plays (http://tiny.cc/5jusd). Then once my casket has turned completely into ashes, I want them to be stuffed into a panther and for that panther to be shot into space.

That'd be so badass.

However, I've still have yet to decide how I want to go out.
I think K.C. Green definitely has the right idea though.

I was going to post the comic strip by KC Green to which I just made a reference but I failed to find it, so in its stead...

















In other (Huey Lewis and The) news, I've tried to begin lucid dreaming. It's not working out so well. The reality checks I do during the day (check hands, look at clock, flick light switches), have, sadly, yet to carry over to the dream world. I really want to construct my own dream.

I also want to try polyphasic sleep, but im scared by the initial sleep deprivation and by the fact I'd be the only one up all the time.
Ohwell.... Maybe another time.

Also if you like being a dick, I gift you this site.

http://www.hugeurl.com/

What has science done?

THIS SITE
provides hours of fun!



But...

it might destroy your childhood

You Can't Handle The Tooth

I AM A PENGUIN!

I have never seen anything quite like this

I just might have lost both my mind and bowels while viewing.

Lights Out, Everyone

He Never Gave Us Up
and
He Never Let Us Down

and now, he's back, to say goodnight, and turn out the lights

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgUrqGFxV3Q&feature=related

Bow Before Your Dog(G)

Yesterday I went to the hippest party in town. It was a CD release party for a rap album by a local Christian kid. In his own words it's, "... the same cool beats beats, but with all the sex, drugs, and violence left behind."So, in other words that are not his own, its pretty much a hillock of plant infested dog doo-doo. Also, he's whiter than plain yogurt.

Speaking of dogs, this fellows rap name is Wesdogg. (You cant tame the Wesdogg, Brit.) This is obviously one of the most inventive names ever. A simpleminded man, such as yourself, obviously cant even comprehend the creativity put into it, so let me explain to you just why it's so fresh.

Its like this, yo. It's a sort of portmanteau and shit, because his real name is wesley and he combined that with the word dog. But the originality does not stop there my brethren, for he added another G! Cracka' be crazy!

Wesdogg. WESDOGG. So fucking insane! How he even think of that? I sure couldn't have,

Its like the most original rap name since Snoop Dogg (also featuring two G's) or Nate Dogg (Holy shit, two G's again! Great minds think alike.) The name also brings to mind B Dog or Sen Dog from Cypress Hill, but they're not as famous because their names only have one G. In other words, Fuck em.

Anyways, I did actually enjoy two tracks off the album but only because they are so hilariously bad.

1. Buy You a Walrus

A sentimental ballad about how much he loves his baby girl. So much in fact, that he'd buy her stuff. Even a mother fucking walrus! In the last verse he shows that he would love his baby girl forever by having the wettest (No sexual innuendo intended.) jacuzi in the world. This jacuzi of course resides in their house made of candy. Because his baby girl is sweeter than candy. They live on a beach, it's quite sandy. Would that not be dandy? (Actual rhyme scheme might I add.)

2. At the Thrift Sto'

This is a club banger about buyin' yo' sheeeeit at a thrift sto'. It features the whitest imitator of DMX I have ever heard. He is of course doing back up. Growling such phrases as: AT THE THRIFT STO'

Wesdogg: See these shoes I wear? I got em Yellow Tag

DMX: WHATS THE YELLOW TAG MEAN!?!

Wesdogg: It means I got 'em half priced! Only spent a couple bucks, now Im lookin' so nice

... The price is so low I just have to scream! AT THE THRIFT STO'

Yeah Classic shit.

Bored of typing now.

(PS: What's with rappers and dog? Plenty of 'em seem to have an obsession for the canine, DMX for example wants to know where they are at, at almost all times. And the Baha Men always want to know who let them out. This means that they are not only obsessed, but they are also very bad masters that have a hard time keeping track of their animals. Shame on them! Everyone take out your index fingers and rub the shame on them.)

Something or Other... yeah one of those two.

Play I started writing for my creative writing class. Pretty rough right now, and needs some work. 

I had to include everything I did in the morning and i thad to include the plot-twist of a man finding out his girlfriend was cheating on him. Needless to say I branched out too far. 

Also the game I mentioned is a bundle of pure joy and amazing called Wolf Quest. You play as a wolf (which you customize) and go around and hunt for small animals and try to find a mate to FUUUCK.

Needless to say, it's amazing

http://www.wolfquest.org/

*two guys walking down school hall*

Character 1: Dude, have you played Wolf-Quest?

Character 2: What is it?

Character 1: Only the most hardcore game ever, and the best part is it came bundled with the school laptop!

Character 2: Really? Huh... What exactly do you do?

Character 1: Well Basically, you customize a wolf and the roam around yellowstone park hunting bears, elks, and other various wildlife critters; and then to beat the level you have to find a female wolf and mate with her.

Character 2: What... are you serious?

Character 1: Yeah.

Character 2: Cool... So, did the laptops come bundled with any other games?

Character 1: Yeah, but they all seem actually educational. They’re about industrialism and the government in China and crap like that. So you know: Lame. 

Character 2: Yeah dude.

Character 1: So anyways, this morning I ate some yogurt, but I totally dropped the spoon. So like, you won’t believe this, I picked up the spoon... and cleaned it.

Character 2: Wow.

Character 1: Yeah man I know. What’d you do?

Character 2: I... uh... slept with your girlfriend....

Character 1: What!?

Character 2: Oh come on, man. Don’t be mad!

Character 1: Don’t be mad? Why wouldn’t I be mad?You slept with my girlfriend!

Character 2: Come on, dude. I was drunk.

Character 1: Drunk? It’s nine o’clock A.M. You’re telling me you were drunk at some point before that. Who do you think you are? My grandma? Plus you’re like four years younger than me! What kind of thirteen has an alcohol problem? And also, what were you doing with my girlfriend in the first place?

Character 2: I don’t know dude. I was hungry so I went to her house, cause you know, she’s my neighbor... and well, one coke line lead to another, and next thing I knew I woke up next to her in your bed.

Character 1: You slept with her IN MY BED?

Character 2: What is wrong with you!? Chill out!

Character 1: NO! I’m not going to chill out! YOU SLEPT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND! IN MY BED! AFTER APPARENTLY DOING COCAINE WITH HER!

Character 2: Dude... there’s nothing wrong with a little cocaine now and then!

Character 1: Nothing wro-COCAINE? What are you talking about? It’s a highly dangerous drug.

Character 2: Nah dude, you’re like thinking of cigarettes.

Character 1: Cigarettes? What, no! I mean, they’re bad for you... but like no where near how bad Cocaine is for you! And how long has my girlfriend been doing coke?

Character 2: I dunno, how long have I know her?

Character 1: Well I introduced her to you about six months ago...

Character 2: Okay so then like six months.

Character 1: I don’t even believe you right now. Is there anything else you need to tell me? Did you kill my mom and dad or something?

Character 2: I don’t know. I mean, I don’t even know what like gets you mad anymore. I mean its not like it’s the first time i’ve slept with your girlfriend.

Character 1: *sigh* I. hate. you.

Character 2:  Don’t be mad, man. I mean it was a pretty normal morning. I don’t see what the problem is. It’s the same thing I do every morning.

Peas out,

Roger

Hello everybody!

This is mah blog to help of a man kind. I hopez dats you enjoy itz...!

Wuv,
roger